best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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