Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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