i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
smell my finger.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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