Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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