You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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