plz talk dirty to me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
