I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
