I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
