I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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