real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize