he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she peed on how many people?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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