Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
