I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Maybe he injected his testicle?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
