some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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