how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
