i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
