1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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