I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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