you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
