Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
