Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
