One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
