maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
