When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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