this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
