McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
