Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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