she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize