I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
