Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
