i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
