I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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