i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
