If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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