It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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