Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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