i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
