hell yes lets make some ravioli
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
