My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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