he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize