Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
a search helicopter?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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