His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize