I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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