you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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