booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
