Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
