it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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