You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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