you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
