I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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