god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just want to make out with him forever
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
