Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
