How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
