Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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