We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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