I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
