That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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