quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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