this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
