drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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