No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
