Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
