I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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