dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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