You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
