Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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