Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
