Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
