I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
