Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
