I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
