I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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