if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
