some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
