My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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