I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize