So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
