Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize