i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
